Do you ever notice that if a friend doesn’t text you back for a while you feel that they no longer like you or want to be friends with you? Or that you feel they must find you annoying? Or that in advance of meeting a friend you question whether they even want to hang out with you? Or have thoughts that they could be doing anything else in the world rather than seeing you? Phew. A lot can run through our mind in just a small amount of time.
The above can be a sign of your own anxieties or insecurities within friendships.
Often it may feel easier if we were able to ask all of our friends ‘Do you still like me, do you find me fun to be around and do you still want to be my friend?’. But it doesn’t always feel possible or comfortable for people to ask these questions. It reminds me of when we were children and someone at school would say I want to play with you today or you’re my best friend! As an adult we lose that reassurance.
What we can start to do rather than be swept away by these upsetting and unhelpful thoughts is to find that reassurance ourselves. If we cannot find it by directly asking those above questions we can start to look for non-directive reassurances from our friends.
Here are some examples below to explain it a little clearer:
1. A friend texts you to tell you a story that they know you would love
2. A friend recommends something they also know you would love like a film or book
3. A friend checks in and asks how you are right now
4. A friend shares something that they really value about you
5. A friend makes you a cup of tea, sends you a little present or sends you something funny they saw online.
These are just a few examples of how we can be left feeling reassured without someone directly telling us the opposite of what we fear.
They can help us remember we matter, we make positive differences to people’s lives, we are remembered and people want to connect with us.
So next time you notice these anxious thoughts or insecurities within your friendships try and find some reassurances and see how this shifts those thoughts and feelings. This is just the beginning of working through these insecurities. It may be that you feel there are some past experiences you went through that have initially brought these anxieties up, for example falling out with a group of friends when you were younger or being bullied. If you feel there is more you wish to work through, contact me today to book your initial consultation session with me and begin to work through these anxieties.
Look after yourself today,
Kate